


April 20th

by everdeenwayland



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, band au!, i suck at summaries, this movie is going to be the death of me, whoops I started another fanfic again
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-04 02:38:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10981620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everdeenwayland/pseuds/everdeenwayland
Summary: Years ago, Jyn fled from them all, while they were still in college, taking all her secrets with her.At the present, Jyn, mother of a child, discovers that the love of her youth, Cassian Andor, forms part of a famous band and that he has dedicated her a song.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at summaries, I know but I was writting this on a rush and I didn't know what to write there.  
> Like always, english is not my mother tongue, so if I made any typos/grammar mistakes I'll be glad if someone points it out to me.  
> This fanfic was inspired by one of my favourite songs right now, called "20 de Abril" by Celtas Cortos. On the next chapter I'll write a translation to that song so you all can know what the song says.  
> And I know I have another Jyn/Cassian fanfic started and I'm planning on continue with it this summer, cause' I have a lot of ideas about it but no a lot of time to actually write it so...  
> I hope you like this, comment pls and have a nice day!

_The last place she expected to find him was in that park. That's why she had gone there, to think, away from everyone, what should she do and how she would do it. Because she already have it decided. She had to leave, for Cassian's sake. Their eyes met, and she hoped he wouldn't be able to read her thoughts like he always did._

_- I didn't expect to find you here.-  she said, avoiding his gaze._

_\- Is that why you came here?" - He said, trying to sound like he was joking, but failing in the attempt. She sighed, and he sat down beside her._

_\- If you want to be alone, you can tell me and I'll leave.- he said, without looking at her._

_\- You know you never bother me. - she said in a whisper, feeling guilty about how he felt._

_\- It doesn't seem like it lately- he said like he was talking to himself. He turned to face her. - Are you okay with me? -_

  
_Jyn swallowed, thoughts pounding in her head. Cassian looked at her, eyes full of questions. And all she wanted was to be able to solve all his doubts. But she couldn't. He didn't deserved to have to deal with her mistakes._

_She ran a hand down her stomach, stroking it gently, and bit inside her cheek, weighing the answers. For a moment she tried to imagine what would happen if she didn't have to leave, but thinking about the possibilities was making it all worse._

_And then, she did the unthinkable, she kissed him. With fear, but with force and with pain. He, surprised at first, responded with the same intensity, smiling against her lips. Jyn tried to enjoy that kiss, as it would be the last, and she felt a tear slip and roll down her cheek. Their lips parted, and Cassian stroked her face gently, looking at her with a smile on his face. She could see how his eyes had brightened the way they hadn't for months, and it made her feel worse. The weight on her chest became heavier._

_\- Jyn ... - he began. She, seeing what he was going to say, approached him to give him another kiss. Trying not to hear the inevitable. Trying to flee of what she didn't want to answer. He gave her a soft kiss on the lips, but quickly turned away and his hand sought hers. Gripping it gently, she looked at him again._

_\- Jyn, I know this is not the best time to tell you this - he said, swallowing and looked down, unsure. - But I've been trying to ltell you it for a long time, to say it once._

_  
With a pause, he looked up to meet her eyes. He raised a hand and gently stroked her cheek._

_\- I love you.-  He said._

 

Cassian sat on the floor, trying to find a new approach to the song he needed to compose. He had the melody but he lacked the lyrics. If only he hadn't left it for the last moment, perhaps he wouldn't be in such a hurry, but the inspiration was a capricious muse who decided to appear when he least expected her. And this time, she hadn't made an appearance. He leaned back against his back. He let out a sigh, closing his eyes. He had never gotten along with deadlines, let alone composing. Since his band had achieved some fame, they had to start taking things more seriously, and what had previously been a way to earn extra money now was his main job. And of course, like any other job, it required an effort.

He opened his eyes again, glancing distractedly at the bookcase in front of him. From his point of view, he could see the corner of a box protruding from the top of the shelf. He had been in that apartment for 10 years and he didn't remember having put anything in that place. He got up and went to pick it up. When he had it in his hands, he studied it carefully. It was a brown box with a lid, without any special ornament. He sat on the floor again, putting the box between his legs, and opened it looking at what was inside.

It was full of old photos. Photos he didn't want to remember, but even so,he didn't want to throw it. Photos that if he had more at hand, he would take to look and lament for everything he lost. Photos with Jyn. Just looking at the pictures made his heart beat faster and his mind filled with memories.

But there were not only photos of them, but of all. That box was the memory of what they once were and that was forgotten. The memory of how it started in the world of music. The memory of Rogue One.

He would lie if he denied that he missed those days, the days when all he cared about was studying and flirting with some cute girl. He smiled a little at the memory of those years of college. If in those days someone would have told him that he would get to where he was now, he would have laughed. Back then, music was important to him, but he didn't take it as something professional.

He began to take pictures, holding them affectionately and leaving them on his legs. The majority of photos had been made by him, so he appeared in few. It was then that he realized how many photos of Jyn he had. Photos of the group rehearsals, photos of the excursions they made, photos simply on the house he shared with Kay, the house that was like a home for all of them. He was looking at more and more photos, and the memories that they entailed, until arriving at the one that had been his favorite photo.

Jyn and he looking at each other with a complicity that he truly missed. Jyn, who had been his best friend during that time, who disappeared when she knew how he really felt about her. After so long, the memory of that night was still in his heart. From that April 20th.

And then, inspiration came to him.

 

 

Jyn, for her part, was too busy setting the table to remember anything. Actually, the single mother's life was too busy and too tired to meditate on any past mistakes. And she appreciated that, since her mistakes weighed her like stones on her chest.

Usually, she would only put a couple of silverware on the table, but that day was special: they had a guest. She placed another couple of cutlery and returned to the kitchen to check that the food was heating up and not burning, as other times. Having a growing child, she had been struggling to learn how to cook decent dishes. She still remembered that April 20 that changed her life.

_That day she had woken up with plenty of nausea and two weeks of delayed menstrual periods. These two things together had made the alarm go on in her head. After a quickly calling to Bodhi to tell him her suspicions, she ran to the pharmacy to buy the pregnancy test. Tears fell from her eyes as she saw the positive results. She called the father of her unborn child to ask him to come and see her._

_A while later, he came with a wide smile, hoping to find a surprise. Instead he found her, her eyes red and dry from crying. With fear he approached her, and then Jyn told him the news. Which led to a great discussion and many more tears._

_He wanted her to live with the pain of losing something irreplaceable. And she, as hard as it was going to be, wanted to go ahead with her pregnancy. Come what may. He didn't take it well and left her apartment, slamming the door. However, that wasn't the last time she saw him._

The sound of a keys unlocking the entrance door took her out of her reverie. She didn't use to remember the past, but that day would be her small exception. As soon as she saw the door open, she forgot everything and came up with open arms to embrace her son.

\- How did it go all in highschool darling? - She asked, kissing him on the head. The boy said something inaudible and ran to his room to leave the backpack.

With a smile, she turned to look at the man at the door. The man smiled back, twisting her hair.

\- And how did it goes in your job, Bodhi?.- She asked, as the man placed his jacket on the rack and went into the living room.

\- Good, you know. The thing is ... How are you? - He said, frowning, but looking at her with affection. She rolled her eyes.

\- Do not start again, as always. You know I'm happy here, with my son. - She said, turning her back to him to start serving the food.

\- And you tell me that, like I don't know you. - He said, without seeming totally convinced. - Come on, let me do that, you already made the food.

Jyn sat down and then her son came and sat down next to her. He looked at the food with some suspicion, but seeing that it was one of his favorite dishes he changed his face. Jyn looked at him affectionately. Though he had come as a surprise to her life, there hadn't been a single moment when she had regretted that.

\- Mom, can I set the TV for a second?, there's an interview of my favorite group ... - Said his son. Jyn looked at him reproachfully.

\- Liam, you know what I've told you about watching TV while eating. In addition, we have guest. Maybe he isn't going to want to come here to eat again. - She said, the last in a jocular tone. Bodhi burst into laughter.

\- C'mon let him watch the TV, you know that doesn't bother me, remember how we were at his age. Besides, I only come here for your food Jyn. - He added, winking at Liam. Jyn pursed her lips, but they knew it was more about not laughing than anger. In the end, she gave in and Liam rose quickly to the remote control. He switched channels until they reached a channel where ads were being placed. Jyn, ignoring the television, turned to Bodhi.

\- I'd like to do something special in the summer with him.- She told him as she took some bread from the table.

\- Oh yeah? And what were you thinking? - Bodhi asked curiously.

-I wanted to go to visit Denmark, I have some money saved and I would like to visit my parents.- She said looking at his son slightly for a few seconds, then back to look at him.- And I would like you to come with us, if you want, of course. -

Bodhi sighed and scratched his head.

\- Jyn, you know I'd love to, but I don't know if I could, it depends on my job.- he said, looking at her. He hated making her disappointed, even though he knew that if he told her how he felt, she would scold him for feeling that way. But he couldn't help it.

Jyn looked at him for a few seconds in silence, and when she went to speak, a familiar voice made her stand. She turned her head to the television and saw with genuine surprise someone who she had not seen for more than ten years.

Cassian.

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian interview is about some mistery woman that inspired his song and Jyn refuse to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!! I hope you enjoyed my first chapter, I'm sorry to spend so much writing this chapter but the finals are coming and I have no time. The song that I translated is originally by Celtas Cortos and is called 20 de Abril. It's such a nice song, one of my favourites right now, I recommend you to hear it so you can imagine the kind of music that The Rebel Allience does. I translated it to english cause' I know most of you don't speak spanish so you can understand the meaning of the song. It's not a 100% accuracy translation because some of the expression can't be translated to english but I tried my best.   
> Also, I'm very happy about this chapter because I love writing the goulden trio and Luke is my precious baby *sobs*   
> My tumblr is "talk-jonty-to-me" so feel free to tell me about your opinion or whatever you want.
> 
> I really hope you like this chapter as much as I do, and if I did some typo or grammar mistake, feel free to tell me, english isn't my mother tongue so I'll be happy to learn more. 
> 
> Comment and leave kudo if you want, and have a nice day!

Cassian settled into the chair, trying to appear as safe as possible, despite the fact that it was the first time he had an interview on television. Since they had released their new single everything had been crazy, none of them expected what came after that. His manager's phone had been ringing all the week. Apparently everyone wanted to know the story behind the new song.

Cassian looked at his group mates, who were sitting next to him. Luke and he had met in a poetry recital of one of his favorite poets. From the first conversation they had, they knew they were going to be good friends. He still remembered the first night they were all together. In that bar, which according to Luke was the favorite of his sister, he had met Leia, Luke's sister, and Han. He remembered the day he met them as if it was been yesterday. Leia looking at him defiantly and Han trying to pretend he wasn't pining after her. Soon they began to argue, but after a couple of beers  the two went home together. At that moment, Cassian asked Luke what the relationship between Han and Leia was like, Luke shrugged and told him that no one - not even they - knew what it was like. And that day in the interview, after so much time, they still didn't know it.

Shortly after, Kaytoo, his roommate, joined the group as the second guitar and manager of all of them.

At first, like all groups, they had had several problems in organizing and agreeing on style and songs. But when they talked, they found their own style. And Cassian couldn't think of companions better than them.

The noise of the cameras lighting up took him out of his reverie, and he settled into the chair, preparing to go out on the TV. Leia and he exchanged a smile. The presenter looked at one of the multiple cameras and smiled openly.

\- Good afternoon everyone! Today we are here with the new group that is sweeping on all radio stations, give a strong applause to the members of The Rebel Alliance.- Said the presenter, applauding them too. He turned to look at them with a wide smile.

\- We are delighted to have you here, we were looking forward to this interview.- He continued with a laugh.- In fact, I consider myself quite a fan yours.-  
Cassian smiled at him funny, usually when the presenters said that, that used to be a lie.

\- The pleasure is ours, we are delighted to be here.- Leia said smiling, with her usual charm. Of the five, she was the favorite of all his fans for her naturalness and passion.

\-  Well, the first thing I wanted to ask you is about the name of your band. What are you rebelling against? Or are you simply rebels without cause? -  
Leia looked at his brother, it was him who had to answer that question, since it was he who gave the name to the band. The boy cleared his throat and straightened.

- Well, you see, it's really kind of a metaphor. When Cassian and I met, we were in a recital of poetry by an author whose works have a lot of political charge, much connotation to rebel against everything. That's how our friendship started, trying to rebel in the political arena, our opinions being radical. - Luke paused in his little monologue and took a sip of his water bottle.

-And then we joined up with Leia, Han, and Kay. At first we were suspicious, because of course, each of us comes from a different environment with a different emotional past and burden. That kind of thing that unites or separates people, you know? But in our case, it went well. You could say that we are rebels, since we are rebelling each one of us from our past, and what is a bunch of rebels who are looking for a common good?: An alliance.- Finished the boy, receiving a great batch of applause after it.

Cassian looked at him proudly. He knew that Luke adored the metaphors, and the meaning behind everything, especially the name of the group. The presenter looked at him, with a glint in his eyes that he hadn't before, and his chest became even more filled with pride, they had managed to reach him.

-I think I can say with certainty that I am not the only one present here who has been pleasantly surprised with the meaning, right? - Said the presenter, looking at the audience, who did nothing less than applaud in his reply.

-Let's start now on your new album, I have to admit that your new song, _April 20th_ seems to me a masterpiece, can I ask you where the inspiration comes from?- Said the presenter, turning to look at them. His companions looked at him, it was his turn. Cassian rubbed his palms with his palms.

\- Well the truth is that it was a curious thing, when I started composing the songs of this album, I never thought to put a song like this, even remotely similar. But on the last day, something caught my attention, and suddenly I felt I had to write this song, this kind of letter. "Cassian said, swallowing at the end. Although he could normally spend hours and hours talking about his songs, how proud he felt of them, with this he was not comfortable. He felt that he was exposing his feelings too much, that someone would find out. Hee felt vulnerable, and he did not like it.

\- Wow, I can see that you have confirmed what everyone was wondering, if it was really the letter that it seems to be, - said the presenter, with a soft laugh .- Can I ask who the addressee of the letter is or is it private?

Cassian thought briefly about what to say. Saying her name was too much, but he could sell the song as the tragic and romantic letter it really was, making people thing about it with another meaning. He laughed, and before he spoke, he smiled.

\- She would not want me to say her name here, on television, so I will not reveal her identity.- However, she is a person who long ago was very dear to me, until one day without notice disappeared from my life. This song, is really an ode to other times in which we were younger and happy, in a different way, - he said, trying not to let his voice fail him.

-I assume, then, that you and her are not currently in contact, are you?- The presenter asked. Cassian shook his head.

-Sounds like a perfect love story, the missing girl you dedicate a song to might appear after seeing you here on TV. You could use this program to find it and confess everything you say in the song. - said the presenter, excited. Cassian smirked, then shook his head again.

-I just want to find her if she wants me to, if she left so long ago and didn't come back to find me, it was for something. The last thing I want right now would be to force her to do something she doesn't want. - Cassian said earnestly but cordially.

After that subtle rejection, the presenter changed the subject and began to speak with Han about something, to which Cassian did not pay more attention. He could only think of the fact that maybe Jyn was seeing him right now. He hoped she knew that it was all for her, just as he hoped she would try to find him. But he didn't want to get too excited. After a couple of minutes, the interview ended and the presenter stood up to congratulate them one by one for the interview. Cassian hurried off the set to meet Kay who glanced at him with disapproving eyes.

\- I know what you're thinking Kay, but I'm old enough to make my own decisions.-  He said, passing by to get out of the recording studios. Kay turned and looked at him.

\- After all that happened, how depressed you were, did you decide to make a song and post everywhere that you are dedicating it to her? What the fuck are you thinking Cassian! It seems as if you like to suffer! - Kay exploded.

Cassian knew he didn't scold him as a manager right now, but as a friend. He knew he didn't do it with bad intentions, that he was only worried about him, but he was tired of everyone treating him like he was made of glass. It had been 12 years since she left, he was over her. What was wrong with wanting to meet an old friend again?

Cassian shook his head and went outside trying to forget everything that had happened inside the studio.

 

 

Jyn for heris part, remained impassive in front of the television while Bodhi was on the brink of hyperventilation. She continued to eat quietly while the man kept blaming her passivity.

-But Jyn, how can you think all of what he is saying is not for you?-He said as her son looked at them in astonishment.

-Bodhi, the song can go on any girl in the world. It's been 12 years, I'm sure a lot of women have passed through his life. You don't have to think that I am the center of his life, please.- She replied, looking at the man who one day was her love. She couldn't say that he was unrecognizable, but if it was true that in those years he had changed, for good. His hair was shorter but he still had the characteristic gleam in his eyes when he spoke of some passion of his. Jyn wondered what had become of his life after all this time.

\- Did you even hear the song? - He asked, surprised. She shook her head, to which her son jumped indignantly.

-But Mom I spend the day listening to it! - He said, pouting. She looked at him in surprise.

-Honey, I don't usually notice the music you hear, you know it's not my style.- She answered with a smile, showing herself much less cold with everything that had to do with her son. He replied with a grimace.

-Well, you should ... Besides, you never told me you knew Cassian Andor!-  He reprimanded her. Jyn laughed.

-You also didn't tell me that he was the lead singer of your favorite group. And keep in mind that I knew him a long time ago, the last time I spoke to him was before you were born. - She answered him softly, with a nostalgic look. That phrase was not a lie, but it was not entirely true either. Shortly after Liam was born, when he started going to nursery, she had written a letter to Cassian to apologize and tell him the reason for her abrupt disappearance, but she never received an answer. 

Jyn sighed and got up to pick up the table, deep in thought. Her son seemed to want to say something to her, but the look that Bodhi threw at him made him stop himself. The man also wanted to talk to her, more seriously, but he knew that when Jyn closed it was almost impossible to get anything out of her. He sighed and stood up at the same time as her, to help her pick it up. After so many years, she was determined to do it all alone, without asking anyone's help, whatever it was.

When they picked up the table, Liam went to his room to do some of the homeworks they had given him, and Bodhi and Jyn sat down on the couch, the TV playing in the background. Jyn looked at the infinity, distracted, taking small sips of her tea.

\- I'm surprised to see him on TV, I never thought he'd go that far.- Bodhi said, trying to redirect the conversation back to Cassian. To the man, Jyn's feelings toward Cassian were not a mystery, he was the only one in the old group of friends who really knew what had happened to Jyn, and unless she decided otherwise, he was not going to reveal it. The others in the group only knew half-truths, which she had decided to tell them, and because they knew her well they knew they shouldn't pressured her to tell them the rest of the story.

-Neither do I.- Jyn said, and after a pause she added, -I'm very glad for him.-

 

 

Hours later, Jyn was spinning in her bed, unable to sleep. She kept thinking about the whole subject of Cassian and that was the last thing she wanted to do, but the more she thought she didn't want to do it, the more she did. Finally, she decided to get rid of her doubts and listen to the song. She would lose nothing by listening to it. But Jyn knew why she was afraid to hear the song, she was terrified of unearthing old feelings and realizing how much everything hurt.

She reached for the bedside table and took the cell phone along with a pair of headphones, and looked for the song on Youtube. She put on her headphones and hit the play. Shee liked the rhythm, it was like the kind of music they used to play in their group. She smiled slightly, and then began the lyrics. 

 

**20 of April of 2017**

_(in the real song is 1990 but in here I didn’t think it went well with this fanfic so I changed it to this year, I’m telling you just so you know)_

**Hello girl, how are you?**

**You may be surprised that I'm writing to you,**

**it's been a long time, it's normal.**

**It just that I was here alone,**

**I had started to remember,**

**I became melancholic**

**And I had to talk with you.**

 

 So far, Jyn hadn't noticed anything unusual. Yes, it was true that April 20th was a special date for her, but it was a day like any other for him.

 

**Do you remember that night on the Turmo cabin?**

**how we used to laugh when we were all together?**

**Today, there's almost no one of us left,**

**and the ones that are here**

**they have changed, the have changed, yes.**

 

And that's where she realized. The cabin of the Turmo was where they used to gather, where they met the last day before she left, where they spent the night last night, together. And then she remembered, that that day was fair on April 20th. She felt her eyes sting because of the tears that were struggling to get out. She let out a couple of sobs, but she continued with the song.

 

**But well, how are you? tell me.**

**Maybe you have children.**

**How is it everything going with that guy?**

**I hope he's funny.**

**Telling you the truth, I'm like always.**

**I'm still working on the same as before.**

**Music doesn't bore me,**

**but I find myself quite empty.**

**Do you remember that night on the Turmo cabin?**

**how we used to laugh when we were all together?**

**Today, there's almost no one of us left,**

**and the ones that are here**

**they have changed, the have changed, yes.**

**Well, I'll say goodbye.**

**If you like this, answer me.**

**I hope my words**

**messes up your conscience.**

**So then, girl, what I've just said.**

**See you soon, if we see each other.**

**I will continue with my songs,**

**you'll continue with your dreams.**

**Do you remember that night on the Turmo cabin?**

**how we used to laugh when we were all together?**

**Today, there's almost no one of us left,**

**and the ones that are here**

**they have changed, the have changed, yes.**

 

An idea began to set in her head. She knew how to respond to the song, and maybe Liam would like that kind of response. Even with the earphones on and the song playing in a loop, Jyn climbed into the bed, closing her eyes and letting Cassian's voice cradle her in her sleep.


End file.
